IT'S BEEN SO LONG.

Here's the story - my laptop broke (crap I forgot to bring that home...) and so I completely forgot that this blog even existed until I just looked at my twitter page and saw the link.
I'm a silly goose.
Well, I am registered for most of my summer classes (I still have to be overridden into the most important ones, ie the ASL classes, but whatever, can you tell i'm frustrated about that?) anddd classes are going well right now. I'm home for Easter, visiting the family and such, going to hang out with some Alabama people tomorrow in atlanta. I'm excited but nervous at the same time. Hard to explain.
I've been such a loner lately, but I don't mind. I like being by myself sometimes.
However, I've had alot to think about, so alone time was good but sometimes it got frustrating because it forced me to spend time thinking about those things, and actually facing God about them. God really is like a Father to me because I get so nervous about coming to Him with things in my life that I want but think He won't approve, and He's a little more intense than my father here on earth (duh haha) in that yeah, I care what my dad thinks of my decisions and what I want in my life, but to be honest he's hasn't ever really disagreed so much with them to the point of disowning me or giving me ultimatums and all that jazz, so I don't exactly care as much as I probably should.
My Heavenly Father is a tad different, in that I truly care what He thinks and I want to please Him with my life and the choices I make, and that causes me to really think about what I'm doing and completely over-analyze it (which I do alot). And when I over analyze things, I think the worse, and I thought recently that He wouldn't be too happy and I was just afraid to approach Him. But I did, and it was good. I prayed He would give me strength. And you know what happened? I became weak. I became so weak, that I was emotionally, mentally, and physically tired. I needed to see first where my strength came from. It didn't come from me, I was tired all the time and weak and just wanted to sleep. I couldn't focus, and I spaced out so many times. I saw that my strength didn't and couldn't come from me. I couldn't do this alone. God was where my strength came from.
I also read this passage one day when I broke down in the car on the way home from school.

3Trust in the LORD and do good;    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. ⁴ Take delight in the LORD,    and he will give you the desires of your heart.   trust in him and he will do this: ⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,    your vindication like the noonday sun.   and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways,    when they carry out their wicked schemes. ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;  ⁷ Be still before the LORD 

Psalm 37:3-7

I learned that I needed to trust the Lord in my circumstances and dwell in His Word. There it is safe, I don't have to worry about guarding and protecting my heart because He knows it, He loves it, and He won't let anything bad happen to it.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. 

 Psalm 28:7

And that about brings me to now. 

Boom.

OH and I also have been praying about transferring to the University of Alabama.
PS. I've been to Colorado now. I must live there. AJKSFHKSJFHDBLGNMKBASM

Things that have happened:

1) The Navigators are no longer recognizing the Navs at my college.
2) Doug left and moved to Tuscaloosa.
3) Two of my friends starting dating, and honestly I don't like it.
4) My ex-boyfriend passed me on the road yesterday. I now know that he still lives in the same area as me.
5) I have an unwanted crush on one of my guy friends. Piss.

With all of this said, I wish I had never dated anyone, ever. Because I have known what it feels like to have someone love me in a temporary, worldly way, I find myself wanting it, often. Even knowing what I know now, that it's temporary and will end at some point. I wish that all I had known was God's love, the everlasting and unconditional love. That one never ends.

Right now -- reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, waiting to go to an ASL Club Movie night. I can't wait to know more sign language.

All my roommates are here! Hannah and Ten ; they are awesome. I'm excited about the new semester with them, and also a little nervous, because last semester was a little rough getting used to living with each other. But I prayed about this semester and learning to live with them, and I've learned that majority of whether it works for the better or not depends on my attitude in the situation. So I've also prayed that God would give me a positive attitude and a different way of viewing my roommates and different situation I find myself in with living with them, and He's already blessed me with a good attitude, and I think it's gonna be a good year! God is awesome in the way he works and its sweet to see Him answer my prayer about my roommates so quickly!
Another thing that's been on my mind lately, and especially today, is the Navigators at my school. For some reason, I haven't heard all of the details yet, they are just going to let us fizzle out to nothing, including not sending staff directors. We have been student-led for the last year, as far as I know and since I've been involved, and it was looking good about getting a staff director next semester, in the fall. I don't know what caused the change in mind. This whole situation's kind of rattled my faith, because ever since I became involved with the Navs last spring semester and began working with them this summer, I've felt like this is where God wants me to be and what He wants me to be doing. The Navs have been a huge part my spiritual growth in the past year, and now with this happening the way it is, it's causing me to question whether I've actually been listening to God. Although, the more I think about it, I know with confidence that the Lord wanted me to be introduced to the Navs and so with that said, now I'm finding it hard to trust that this is His will. He's got this all planned out. Gosh, so much stuff to think about, and it's about not knowing what's going to happen and just trusting the Lord to guide me in the right direction, and that it's going to work out. Which is super hard for me because I like to know what's going on. I don't like too much mystery in my life and definitely no surprises. And all of this is a surprise. But God's plan will prevail, His will will be done. I'm praying about it.

On a completely random side note, the meat for my meatloaf is still frozen. This makes me mad. And sad.

Right now -- about to check my thawing meat and then play Sims. School's tomorrow.

Home sweet home! Back at school, just got all settled in my room again. After driving pretty much all day, I'm unpacked and snuggled up in my bed. I watched the Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and am currently watching The Emperor's New Groove haha. I haven't seen this movie in forever. I was going to hang out with Leah and Damond tonight, but I decided not to because I'm super tired and just want to relax. However, I'm starting to regret it because the cookies I ate earlier are starting to kick in. Booo. Oh well, basketball game tomorrow! Can't wait, I hope Leah can go!

Signed -- ekaylaaaaaaaa

Ohhhh hey there!
Today's the last day I'm home! It feels so weird. It's like, I want to go home (back to school) but at the same time, I like living at home. I'm hanging out with my brother and sister, and it's nice. Although if I did actually stay, then I really wouldn't be able to hang out with them that much once school started again. I guess I am pretty happy about getting back to school. When I think about it, my relationship with God has suffered from being home. I haven't spent hardly any time alone with God since I've been here, and I haven't really thought about it. I don't know why it's so hard.
These pictures have nothing to do with what I just talked about, but here you go.

I found this pencil! It's the shape of Minnie Mouse! :D

I found a ton of my mom and dad's old CDs from the 80s a while ago, and today I'm putting them on my iTunes! I even have the original Batman soundtrack. Soundtrack music is the best, if it's really good it'll make you feel like you are really experiencing what's going on inside and outside the character's mind, but only through hearing it. It's like it makes you feel with all your other senses through sound. I'm not sure if that even makes sense but I'm trying to describe it and it's really hard! I just really really love soundtrack music (:

Right now -- Downloading music from CDs and watching Criminal Minds. Love this show!

New Year's Day

I am a bum. I slept in until 12:30. Also have a lot on my mind. I'm ready to go back to school. Friday could not come any sooner.

Right now -- Watching Avatar with my dad. This movie is intense.